


What's Left Of Me

by Oricalle



Series: Rebuild/Repair/Reborn [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Blue Lions Byleth, Drabble, Edelgard Backstory Spoilers, Gen, Gender-Neutral Byleth, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Regret, sort of a Heroes crossover? But only vaguely., spoilers for blue lions route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-12 03:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oricalle/pseuds/Oricalle
Summary: Who were you, after the dust was all cleared away?Who will you be now?(Spoilers for the Blue Lions route, up to the ending!  Spoilers for Edelgard's backstory as well!)





	What's Left Of Me

Edelgard had always been made of metal. She had no childhood, just a forge, one that took ten lives and spat hers out in mangles. She had encased her heart in iron and her soul in lead, letting them shrivel and die for protection. She was purified with the fires of righteous anger, her hollow shell filled with purpose and pushed onto the battlefield. The human element was carefully scoured away until only a mission remained.

That, it turned out, was a mistake.

Despite everything, despite her sacrifices and blood and sweat and tears, she had not managed to complete her mission. The Church of Seiros was alive, and she was dead. Her last dying breaths were into the eyes of someone better. Someone stronger. Someone who was still human.

That she had been called to the Order of Heroes after her death was a surprise. Noone had called her a “hero” in years. But she was there, given a second life, and so were her rivals; Claude, with his masterful wit and impeccable aim, and Dimitri, whose appearance radiated pride and ferocity. They made it no secret, they didn’t believe she belonged there. She didn’t interact with anyone, not knowing what to say.

That was, until she saw Byleth.

There was something special about Byleth. The way they brilliantly commanded the battlefield both in and out of the action was stunning, but that wasn’t what she truly coveted. Byleth had a way of drawing out the humanity in everyone, a sort of charm and honesty that made them a comforting presence. Even she had wished she could tell her secrets to them, as much as it puzzled her. If Byleth was by her side, she would have accomplished her goals. She had no backup for that, the Empire had been flush with intelligent commanders and adept warriors that still couldn’t win her the war, but that unexplainable feeling wouldn’t die.

And yet, she had tried to kill them. 

She was enraged that they had sided against her, furious to watch them stand by the Boar King’s side. She had told herself she would have no remorse, because she couldn’t afford to, but that was a lie. A lie that Byleth had exposed almost immediately. So when she saw Byleth in the halls of the castle, alone, she finally did it.

Her imperial-learned dignity kept her propped up straight and looking ahead as she approached. When they saw her, their eyes narrowed. Her heart skipped a beat, and she remembered her heart was still there. And she finally apologized. Let it out as much as she could while keeping her composure, necessary tactics warping themselves into tyrannical atrocities as they slithered from her lips for the first time.

Had that really been her?

When it was over, she felt sick. She wanted release, redemption, any way to stop these new pains that had grown from old seeds in the pit of her stomach. 

“I can’t forgive you. You have too much to answer for, Edelgard.”

She dropped to her knees, ignoring the crashing sound and the throbbing pain as she collided with the stone floor. Shame and resentment flooded her body and mind alike, snaking through her like a rushing river. Tears were falling now, and the harder she tried to stop them, the more that fell out.

She hadn’t even realized she cared.

Byleth’s face lowered into view, the professor’s stoic expression still an impenetrable wall. She tried to speak, to refute the claims and debate like she always had, but she was tired. She was so utterly tired, like she hadn’t slept in years and just now realized it. No matter how hard she tried, she could only emit tears and choked gasps, spattering the front of her tunic.

A hand reached out and wiped a few away.

Before she knew what happened, Byleth had embraced her, kneeling as well. Her face was pulled against the professor’s coat, wool lightly scratching at her eyes.

“There are no Crests here, Edelgard.” Byleth’s voice was firm. “There is no Church, and there is no Empire. You are powerless, beyond that axe and your brain.”

Edelgard tried to screw her eyes tight and stem the flow, but Byleth’s words only encouraged it. Her protest came out a strangled whine.

“But you are free.”

For just a moment, they were both still. A living monument to mistakes.

“Your crusade is both unnecessary and impossible here. So you have to decide, here and now, who are you without it? Who is Edelgard?”

Her mind was a haze of emotions and familiar sensations. The sound of Dorothea’s voice on a warm summer’s day, the taste of one of Bernadetta’s pastries, the smell of freshly fried fish drifting from the dining hall. None of them were related to her ultimate ambitions, and they should have held no place in her memory. Except…

Byleth suddenly seized her shoulder with one hand, the other grabbing at her chin and lifting it up. Her eyes met the professor’s, their gaze still revealing nothing.

“Who are you?”

She sobbed, shaking her head. She could feel a carefully coiffed bun come loose and white hair spill free. She must have looked awful this way. Unkempt, face drenched with tears and mucus. Utterly disgraceful. A pitiful girl in the position of a goddess.

“Edelgard. Tell me.”

Nothing came out, no matter how hard she wracked her brain, digging for more memories on who she really was or might have been. But, she thought, she had burned her humanity away to save others. Or at least, that was what she told herself.

“You don’t have an answer right now. Fine. But someday, I want you to have one, and when you do, come find me.”

They reached a hand over again, wiping more tearstains from her face. Byleth’s expression softened a tad, the hints of a smile barely forming.

“I know there’s good in you, Miss von Hresvelg. I’ve seen it. Now show it to everyone else.”

Something deep inside stirred, and Edelgard nodded, not even conscious she had decided to do so. Her goals and victories were far away, but so were her responsibilities and defeats.

“Yes, Teacher.”

Once again, Byleth walked away, but this time Edelgard was prepared. She rose to her full height again, wiped her bleary eyes, and began the slow march back towards her room.

Somewhere, within the wreckage of her dreams, buried in the rubble were pieces of herself. 

Edelgard started digging.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a lot of feelings about Edelgard, okay? I was thinking about how she'd be treated somewhere like Askr, where everyone knows what she did.
> 
> I personally think that Edel's greatest pain is that she never got to be a person, she's always just a role. She's the Emperor, or she's the Flame Emperor, or she's a weapon against the church. She never gets to be someone who can experience joy.
> 
> So what if she did? I'm sorry if she's a little OOC in that she probably wouldn't break down that quickly, I just didn't have time to write several meetings where her walls gradually break down :p
> 
> I didn't want to absolve her of everything, she doesn't deserve that, but I don't think she's a monster and I wanted her to get a shot at happiness.
> 
> (sequel maybe if i get very sad again or you want it)


End file.
